I think it was very well put, well done!! :) I have found a few things that perhaps needs changing.
I was thinking of the next to lasts paragraph, should it say issues at the end? Can't it just end with: explore this?
In the last paragraph I think we should mention that we also welcome images submitted via memory cards, CDs and DVDs as well? It not just gonna be bluetooth right?
In the notes to editors there are a few double spaces between words and a dot instead of comma between Aviv and Jennie.
and transmission is spelled wrong...
We also need confirmation of the times we're gonna be in the venue.. But that we'll get tomorrow I suppose.
Aviv, The press release is great, really well done…however there are just a few minor spelling mistakes and odd words here and there that need correcting. I have some suggestions about the jpg layout….the first draft you did was absolutely fine….do not send out the second one you have just displayed on jpg…..as quoting people (Zara and yourself) just complicates everything…please leave it as the first version!
Do not write on press notice or release, do not put on a date…just have the logo….the photography students ‘take’ is unnecessary. Do not have the notes to the editors.
Please can I suggest that you just follow the simple layout on the attachment i have just emailed you and the others…plus this also has the corrected words, sentences etc.
3 comments:
Aviv, just a few errors.
You've mis-spelt 'Hackney' on the title.
Hackney should be with a capital H.
Our website is 'co.uk', not 'com'
And I think you should mention which university we're from instead of London students.
Other than that, job well done Aviv!
Alana
I think it was very well put, well done!! :) I have found a few things that perhaps needs changing.
I was thinking of the next to lasts paragraph, should it say issues at the end? Can't it just end with: explore this?
In the last paragraph I think we should mention that we also welcome images submitted via memory cards, CDs and DVDs as well? It not just gonna be bluetooth right?
In the notes to editors there are a few double spaces between words and a dot instead of comma between Aviv and Jennie.
and transmission is spelled wrong...
We also need confirmation of the times we're gonna be in the venue.. But that we'll get tomorrow I suppose.
I really like it though!
/Jennie
Aviv,
The press release is great, really well done…however there are just a few minor spelling mistakes and odd words here and there that need correcting.
I have some suggestions about the jpg layout….the first draft you did was absolutely fine….do not send out the second one you have just displayed on jpg…..as quoting people (Zara and yourself) just complicates everything…please leave it as the first version!
Do not write on press notice or release, do not put on a date…just have the logo….the photography students ‘take’ is unnecessary. Do not have the notes to the editors.
Please can I suggest that you just follow the simple layout on the attachment i have just emailed you and the others…plus this also has the corrected words, sentences etc.
Pat
Post a Comment